Dealing With Difficult Customers: 2 Stupid, Simple Phrases I Avoid When Working With Clients Who Won't Change
Are you making these costly mistakes? Lessons learned from Improv and Design Thinking
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As someone dealing with customers, it can be challenging to work with stubborn people.
Their defensiveness is a major obstacle, but with the right mindset and strategies, you can conquer them.
In this article, I’ll share 2 phrases I avoid when dealing with stubborn customers to help you actually get shit done.
Avoiding this one word and this knee-jerk reaction will help you stay focused, motivated, and productive while working with customers.
The first lesson I learned from improv.
The second lesson I learned from the founder of Mural - a software company that’s known for digital whiteboards that teams use for design thinking workshops.
They will transform your workdays from frustrating and unproductive to productive and fulfilling.
So, if you’re ready to start getting things done, read on for the 2 phrases I avoid. Let's dive in.
Avoid the word “BUT” and replace it with “AND”
This is how adding the word “but” felt with certain types of customers:
What I used to say:
“I like that idea, but we don’t have time…”
Do you hear that? It’s like nails on a chalkboard.
When I use the word "but," I accidentally stopped the free flow of ideas and made the customer feel less important.
What I say now:
“I like the idea and your thought process. I’m worried if we’ll have enough time to execute it”
The idea of switching "but" for "and" comes from improvised comedy (improv).
I've found that it's a simple way to keep customers from getting defensive and to keep encouraging them to think "yes, and."
Make your customer feel like it’s you AND your customer vs. the problem instead of you vs. your customer
Avoid saying “Yeah, I understand, but…” Replace it with “I like… I wonder…”
Assume you're working with a client who has a fixed mindset and refuses to open their mind to new ideas.
What I used to say:
“Yeah, I understand, but here’s what we’re missing…. blah blah blah”
This is when customers would tune me out.
I've had customers like these before, and I was terrible at talking to them in a way that led to change or progress.
Until I learned this simple way to negotiate based on the principles of design thinking, and blogs I read on Mural’s founder.
What I say now:
“I like your thought process. I like the constraint and we certainly don’t want that. I wonder if continuing with the same process would lengthen our timeline. If we make a few changes, I'm sure we can get there faster and with fewer resources. What are your thoughts on that?”
It's called I like, I like, I wonder.
Instead of responding with a knee-jerk phrase like "Yeah, I understand, but..." and inserting your response, you share aspects of the idea you like first. Next you say, "I wonder [insert the question or statement that challenges the customers' thought process]" Lastly, you end with a question that asks for their thoughts instead of "does that make sense?" which doesn’t allow for your customer to share their input.
Your confidence and your customers’ trust in you will both change significantly as a result of this.
One Last Takeaway:
Whether it's a quarterly business review, a customer consultation, or a strategy session, tone plays a significant role.
A neutral, calm tone goes a long way. Not overly eager, you appear animated. Just calm, cool, and collected.
That’s it for this week :)
Every week, I dedicate over 80 hours to learning or practicing effective communication techniques so that I can distill it all into a <5-minute read for you.
I spend a lot of time making sure I write something that brings value to you.
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